Beyond Forgetting by Rolando Carbonel

For a moment I thought I could forget you.
For a moment I thought I could still the restlessness in my heart.
I thought the past could no longer haunt me – nor hurt me.
How wrong I was!

For the past, no matter how distant is as much a part of me as life itself.
And you are part of that life.
You are so much a part of me – of my dreams,
my early hopes,
my youth
and my ambitions –
that in all my task I can’t help remembering you.
Many little delights and things remind me of you.

Yes, I came.
And would my pride mock my real feelings?
Would the love song, the sweet and lovely smile on your face,
be lost among the deepening shadows?

I have wanted to be alone…
I thought I could make myself forget you in silence and in song…

And yet I remembered.
For who could forget the memory of the once lovely,
the once beautiful, the one happy world such as ours?

I came because the song that I kept through the years is waiting to be sung.
I cannot sing it without you.
The song when sung alone will lose the essence of its tune,
because you and I had been one.

I have wanted this misery to end, because it is part of my restlessness.
Can’t you understand?
Can’t you divine the depth of my feelings towards you?
Yes, can’t you see how I suffer in this even darkness without you?

You went away because you took my silence for indifference.
But silence, my dear, is the language of my heart.
For how could I essay the intensity of my love when silence speaks
a more eloquent tone?
But, perhaps you didn’t understand.

Remember, I came, because the gnawing loneliness is there
and will not be lost until the music is sung,
until the poem is heard,
until the silence is understood…
until you come to me again.
For you alone can blend music and memory
into one consuming ecstacy.
You alone…

Nagbibilang ng Taon (part 2)

30 May 2007

Nakauwi na ako ng bahay after ng work ng maalala ko, pangalawang taon ko na pala 'to sa Thailand. Kaninang 2 ng umaga, 2 years ago, naghihintay kami ng bagahe namin na hndi pa dumarating. Anyway, kagabi pa ako nagiisip kung anong magandang ilagay sa blog ko sa pang 2nd year anniversary ko sa Thailand. Ngayon ko lang naiisip kung ano.

I was watching music videos in Veoh.com then I remember a Tagalog song. My sister tol me "Bagay sa yo ung kantang to kuya." and when my mom saw the video (we were watching the music video in Myx) she said "Ay, parang si Kuya".

Here's the video of Sugarfree "Hari ng Sablay"




Sablay: hindi sumasakto, mali ang kwenta, at sa makabagong kahulugan; madalas pumalpak.

Sa ikalawang taon ko dito, marami rin akong sablay, as in marami. Maraming bagay na nawala sa ayos, mga taong naapektuhan at nagalit, mga nakakalungkot na desisyon, mga makabagbag damdaming pagbabago.

Sa una, iniisip ko, hari ako ng sablay, walang tumatagal, maraming pumapalpak, maraming nawawala. Bakit nga ba madalas ako sumablay? Nakakatawa mang isipin, minsan nakakatuwaan ko na lang pagkasablay ko, parang nasasanay na ung mga tao sa paligid, ang ginawa na lang nila, makisabay sa pagkasablay ko. Pero minsang naisip ko, bakit ako sumablay, saan sa parte na un ako sumablay. Mga bagay na pinakahawak-hawakan ko, pinagkaingat-ingatan ko, nang dahil sa walang kamalayan kong pagsablay, nawala. Ang resulta; naging desperado ako at ang nakakatuwa (o nakakainis) mas pinili ko ang sumablay pa ng maraming ulit. Naging masaya ba ako, hindi. Pero nasa isip ko na dahil sa pagkasablay din naman nakuha ko un, baka maswertehan makakuha ulit ako ng bago.

Maraming naiba sa pananaw ko, sa maraming bagay, un siguro mga side-effect ng mamuhay mag-isa, ang mamulat sa totong kulay ng mundo at pakisamahan ito para mabuhay, maka-survive. Sa pakikisama sa tao, sa paghawak ng ilang bagay, maraming nagbago. Minsan nga nakakatuwang panoorin, kasama kong sumasablay ang maraming tao at sa tingin ko, natural ang sumablay, ang matawag na hari ng sablay.

Walang masamang sumablay, hindi mo kasi makikita kung anong pangit ang kalalabasan ng isang bagay kung hindi ka sasablay (lalo na sa mga taong nagiging masaya sa kasalukuyan at dahil din hindi na iniisip ang pwedeng kahantungan ng hinaharap). Makikita mo ang mali at sa pangalawang pagkakataon, maranasan mo ulit, hindi ka na sasablay.

Aminado ako, hari ako ng sablay, madalas magkamali (isang tama, sampung mali, ganyan ako pumili) at alam ko sa sarili ko na hindi na naulit ang ilang mga sablay sa pangyayari (maliban nga lang sa ilang bagay na, hanggang ngayon sumasablay pa rin ako). Hindi ako maapektuhan kung tawagin pa nila akong hari ng sablay, kahit sila man maiisip nila isang araw na isa rin silang hari o reyna ng sablay. Kung ano pa man mangyari, handa pa rin ako harapin kung ano pang kasablayan na mangyayari sa kin dito. Katulad na rin un nang pagsabing hindi ako huminto na matuto at makita ang mali at kung mangyari man ulit, ilang beses na lang ako sasablay.

What's happening to Youtube?

I opened my e-mail this morning, then I received mails from Youtube that someone leave a message and a comment in my account and someone subscribed in my videos.

Then, I tried to check it on Youtube. Unfortunately, I can't open the site. I just thought that maybe Youtube is doing a maintenance of their site because it happened before, couple of weeks ago.

Then this afternoon, my colleague showed me the reason why we can't open the Youtube site.

It's a sad news for those who are frequently watching videos in Youtube here in Thailand.

And it is a sad news for me 'cos I can't make more video blogs and I can't watch my previous video blogs here in my blogsite.

The link: http://www.bangkokpost.net/topstories/topstories.php?id=117871

2nd Video Blog: IBS and colleagues

About my school

Featuring Red and Hannah (my colleagues).

Sorry about the bunch of OK's and So's!