Quotable Quotes

Quotable quotes is a collection of selected humorous anecdotes, sayings and jokes from famous and not-so famous people, of real men and women. (from Geddes and Grosset)

Here are some of my favorites:

Small child to unattractive male visitor: "I wanted to see you specially, cos mother said you were a self-made man."
"So I am, my dear, so I am. And proud of it."
"But-but why did you make yourself look like that?

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The late Eammon de Valera, the principal architect and first President of the Irish Republic, was in the middle of a revolutionary speech when he was arrested ans subsequently sent to prison for 12 months.

Immediately after serving his sentence, he was asked by his supporters to speak again and began his speech with the words, "As i was saying when i was rudely interrupted..."

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A lady in an advanced stage of pregnancy was approached by the village gossip who said, "Excuse me, but are you going to have a baby?"

"Oh no," replied the other drily, " I'm just carrying this around for a friend."

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Just as a transatlantic liner was putting out to sea, a young woman fell overboard, and was heard to scream that she couldn't swim. Seconds later, to the astonishment of all present, an elderly man of over 70, went hurtling after her and eventually, amid rousing cheers, brought her to safety.
Such was the admiration felt for the old man's heroism that a abnquet was held in his honour at which the captain of the ship made a speech, and amid the applause which followed, the old mas was urged to reply. He accordingly rose and said, "I've only one thing to say. Who pushed me?"

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On her wedding day, Miss A spent hours on her appearance. She tried every beauty treatment, and was finally satisfied with the result. At the altar she joined her bridegroom, who looked at her and said, "Who are you?"

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Lady listening to the singing of a choir in a nearby church to ardent naturalist listening to the crickets: "It's very beautiful, isn't it?" Naturalist: Yes, and the extraordinary thing is that they do it by rubbing their legs together."

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And some of "quoatable quotes" from real people, my friends and me!

Boy : (while watching Memoirs of a Geisha) Dadalhin sila sa remote area. Para di sya kasamang mahuli sa gyera.

Girl: (umandar ung karwahe sa palabas na hatak-hatak ng tao) Ay galing, remote controlled sya!

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Boy: Ang ninang ko nagtatrabaho sa Las Vegas, taxi driver, marami ngang naiingit sa kanya dun e.

Girl: Bakit naman?

Boy: Alam mo na mga pinoy, palangiti, "hospital" (supposed to be hospitable).

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Girl 1: (About Chinese new year ampao) I talked to my friend (so Yahoo M) and sabi ko na nagbibigay ung may-ari ng school ng ampao sa lahat ng teachers. Para daw swertehin sya. Kaya lang sabi nya wag daw gastusin para pati ikaw swertihin. Sabi ng friend ko in capital letters, PWEDE BA SA MGA PINOY UN?

Girl 2: Sinong ngsabi pwedeng i-capital ung pera?

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Girl: (while eating lunch)Masyadong malambot ung byabas, gusto ko ung toasted.

Boy: CRUNCHY!

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Teacher 1: Teacher help me bring in the books.

Teacher 2: At last Ajarn, the books have arrived.

Teacher 1. Not atlas teacher, textbooks.

(to be continued)